Again and yet again

Again and yet again

So close me, ever so close you

Nothing else do we want,

But trying so intensely, so hard, together to meld into one

But is that 'it' you ask, is that 'it' I too think,

Soon after the inborn instinct 

To crush each of us against each other into one

So flooding an emotion, so compulsive in its own way

Drowning every noise emanating within, crushing every rebel in there

Annihilating each question asked

In that moment every hesitation, 

Every fear pounded- grounded

Defaced for that instant

Yet, not beyond repair.

It is ever, but over, like it always is

Like a rule, after we are spent 

And we set about our concerns 

Hurrying, clothing, running away

To attend to our debts

Forgetting what everything that is us

For yet another few hours.

.... Ramakant Pande

The Quintessential 

With open palms,

Catching slivers

Off falling stream,

Through years of patience

And termoil

Whenever I am almost It,

It eludes me,

Flings me,

Back into the meaningless void,

Into this world

Of arbitrary, inconsistent, irrational

Order.

Yet it beckons again

With deeper seraphic sublime,

The core

That lies beneath.

                                        by Ramakant Pande 

Against Hope

Against Hope

It is a journey through obscure
without seeing what lies ahead,
and everything behind you so dark
that you cannot but to find recluse, retrace
into the changing course behind so dicey
that to survive, you have no choice,
but at your own risk, to grope ahead
in the uncertainty of what lies shrouded in dark ,
yet, longing against the unknown
so stoic and punishing some
and so loving and rewarding others
and being lucky or unlucky concealed without clue,
and so random, with so few known
against limitless unknown factors
constituting your fate ahead
in hope of the waiting arms unfurled.

Such is the beauty,
in the adventure within and outside
of the unknown journey to pain and pleasure,
this journey through life.

....by Ramakant Pande

Freedom Alone

Just when it was about to rain

ensuring that no one noticed,

I sneaked out

without an umbrella or raincoat.

It first drizzled on my face

drops coalescing into 

thin jets streaking meandering

on my cheeks and then

it started pouring on me

As I walked the muddy path 

which had no tree covers

only pits turned to puddles

nor man made shelters

in that forlorn, unused

mountain trail where

no one else but I walked

to soak and drench myself

and jump on the puddles

in my freedom so absolute

that no one can tell me 

what to do with it.

But 

for as long as I

stood far away,

alone

             

                                    Ramakant Pande

Life persists

The inhospitable aloof 

Shying away.

Life yet

Marching  up

As far as green.

                 

                           .....Ramakant Pande

Unfortunately It Happened by Ramakant Pande

The flutter in the heart,
the lovely uneasiness,

The love we shared,

That you believed was the only truth

we had ever known,
Was it conditional,
that just one day
out of my prejudices
and my inability to be human,

In just those few moments, 

In those few words

I without thinking,

Uttered the stupid me.

That to you

They meant all they could,

And I, the animal in me,

I unfortunately, I hurt you.

How many were those words,

Those moments
what fraction was their intensity

As compared to the words and moments

We had shared and
come to love each other

After waiting decades

For us to connect.

Could those words have been more harsh
than those intense moments
we had shared and believed 
that we were meant for them
to be together.

How can you forget our togetherness?

As if it was but

Just froth and bubbles,
that grow

And then disappear
for ever leaving no trace
of their being at all.

What of the

I won't 
ever let you go
you are mine
together we are one.

Did all those powerful emotions you exuded
that made me eventually 

Were so shallow

As to turn me back
to a desolate me?
Abandoned, destined
to be alone again 
just like I was

Before you came into my life.

Is my life now to be,
I wonder,
the same like it used to be
A burden on my body,

Pushing it around
like a forced labour
hinging around the fear of death!

Come on my saviour
lift me out of this deep morass
like you did every morning

Just as you woke me up

From your dreams.

Come back my love

If you still believe me

All I can say is
I am sorry!

                                                    ............. Ramakant Pande

Like A Kite

Like a kite flier,

You soared me high above,

Transcending all you could

For fun.

Spiraling me upwards

Through years

Hovering

In deceit

But, just because.

There is no substitute to life

I survived.

© Ramakant Pande

First Love

Never had it been that cold

On that day of January

The 16 of 2002,

Raining all night

Bones chilled

Body demanding endless sleep,

When upon a call of anxiety

Through a sleepless night

I rushed through

The fog and chill

All confused and worried

At four thirty that morning

When our destiny was calling me

But as fast as I could walk

The distance and time

Grew ever, more and more

Till I reached the place

And they hushed me in

Through countless opening doors

Till the last door shut behind me

When they handed you over to me

On my joined palms.

And you

Wrinkled all over yet eyes open

Like a big question mark

Looking around as if asking

Where am I

What happened?

And in that fleeting moment

In that fraction of time

Our eyes met

And your eyes so bright

Recognised something in mine

And my heart in your eyes

As they drifted away,.

And thus was born my first love

The only one I have

Truly ever known.

You,

My best friend

My son.

© Ramakant Pande

What Will Be Will Be

All of Europe was Gall
Americas were not known
In those days beyond
Darkest of dark of all
The Lost ages there lived
Indian saints,
Who renounced looking outside,
And delved deep within themselves.

Thus evolved
Over countless hidden ages
Birth nakshatra
Birth lagna
Culminating into
The vinshotri dasha.

All else got lost
With the rise of industrial age
The clock
In the information technological minds.

But such is the power
If calculated correctly in it
Like in a kaleidoscope
One can still see
Why what happened
And what will happen

But happen it will
And no proclaimed, celebrated, accepted
Knower of this science
In spite of your bribe
Can undo what will happen.

© Ramakant Pande

Some One Has To Pay

To you,

The one who made me believe,

That you love me the same way

 as I loved you

And made me feel

Your love

And persuaded me

That you lifted me

To the pinnacle, the ultimate of love,

To that summit, those five years...

And I

Without realizing

There was no base at all

To that hollow mountain

Of love

Fell down

And the price I can't ever pay

For your sophisticated chicanery.

And there were,

Are and will be

Many more like me

All who will,

When on the apogee,

Come crashing

From that void crest.

Love costs you nothing!

© Ramakant Pande

How I Wish

Wish there is a thunder bolt
For the restless heart,
Striking it with inundating rain,
Washing away the heat and dust,
Making it vibrant again!

© Ramakant Pande

To You My Best Friend

There you are always
and only you
who knows whether I had my lunch?
What I had for lunch
And never ask,
Knowing I mostly have
Fruits for dinner
And I sleep early,
And knowing intuitively
If I missed dinner
Or slept late.

You tell me which station
I am passing in train
and you check internet

Again and again,

Till I reach the destination,
and the train

By how many hours

Was late.

You hate my official Railway tours
As much as I do,
for you do not like the food
I have to force down
And the beds I have to sleep in.

You are always concerned about,
In where ever I am,
How inclement the weather is?
You appreciate whatever I say
And justify whatever I do,
You always love whatever
I look like in
Whatever I am wearing,

You love all those I care for

And come preying on those

Who contradict me!

You are always so supportive
in whatever endeavour
I am caught in.

You infuse in me the feel
to finish whatever I undertake
and make me feel intuitively
that I fail you
if I quit.

Oh my true friend
and my only love,
Living seven seas away from me,
Thanks for being part of me
Conjoined to me and my soul.

© Ramakant Pande

The Associations

Another day of work and mundane affairs,

Wasted in sorting issues

On this hot summer of dry winds

As I walk back home

I wonder,

I look around,

And ask myself,

Where is it coming from,

The pleasant fragrance,

That seemed so familiar, so distinct

Yet so distant

As my mind drifted

Oblivious of the heavy traffic

And noise honking everywhere.

Wasn’t it the year 1984

Of the month of May

When I, as lost as I am always,

Wandering in gay abandon

Hanging around with my chums,

Bunking classes,

Disgusted with conventional teaching

In search of meaning of life.

And you with your male friends

In that corridor of Maths block

Probably going to the Physics lab

Saw me and I saw you

And our eyes met for rather too long

Till they separated.

Oh! But now I can see,

The neural highway alive again,

In the corner,

The office peon crushing his teeth

Into soft Cantalope, the Indian muskmelon,

His face as lightened up as mine

As I remember, and smell

In my mind’s eye,

The air permeated with the rich fragrance

After you shifted your glance

And drifted away

For three decades.

© Ramakant Pande

Is It Just That

Twenty six years behind me,

dreaming, 

Who will be the one?

To kiss me in the tightest hug

And clasp my hand,

On seeing a beetle buzzing

As we will walk across the valley

Of Tulips and Carnation

Ensconced in the cover of

The rhododendrons, the pines

And the Deodars

Alongside the mountain stream

And a thousand birds

In myriad colours

Forming formations and

Breaking away

Chirping the song

Of my love for you.

Never knew that all the dreams

Would end up just like dreams do

And all would finally,

Eventually end up in

Cooked breakfast and a cup of tea.

.....Ramakant Pande

Trust Changed It All

Adrift in the wide

Without an anchor

In a meaningless survival,

The lost me,

Ever so hesitating,

Hiding in a world away

From that illuminated

By fiery Sun,

Ever so ablaze.

Drowning

In my own loneliness,

Asking questions and then,

Answering myself,

Not knowing which one was right

And what went wrong.

Till that day of spring

When an array of coincidences

Propelled her at me.

A stranger as she was,

She brought me out in the sun

To see the myriad colours

Of a meaningful expanse.

And the silence in me

Broke like a reservoir

And we in that deluge

Of the river of trust

Became one,

Merging in the sea

Of eternal love.

.... Ramakant Pande

Summer Blues

The long lonesome days

In the arid, land locked,

Hot plains of acacia shrubs

And concrete hubs,

The temples of success in career

And growth,

Sweltering in the prickly sticky heat.

Its summer in its blazes

Trying to raze everything.

Against my skin yet

I feel

The cool summer breeze

Laced with fragrance of jasmine

Intermingled with

The aroma of pine tree sap

Blowing from a decade and a half away

As the line of ducks would break

To flap their wings, to dive down under

And reappear in the line again

As if in a regatta

With the yachts cutting wind

Their sails almost

Touching the lake

Atop the mountainous alpine forest

And I hear your voice

Coming from behind me

Asking me to wait for you

As I see you, with effort, climb

And when you catch up with me

I can feel your hands on my shoulder

Gasping for breath

Watching

the suspended Himalayan 

Snow capped peaks.

Oh! But how much I miss you

Everyday,

Till I'll have paid my dues

By the end of summer.

The Silent Journey

Bewildered on that platform

What will I look like,

What will I say, how will I

Sound to her

And that meandering train

Blowing siren,

Drowning any hope

Of me gaining

The lost composure,

As I,

With racing heart,

Saw it stop.

In that dazzling moment

She stepped out

And when our eyes met

After separation of a decade

Distanced by the sea,

And she,

As unsure as me,

Spread the palm of her hands

For me to grasp

And then we held each other

In an embrace

Before she lead me

Not saying a word

Not leaving my hand

Not my eyes

In that coach

In the warmth

Drowning the winter cold

As time stood still

And the life without her,

flashed past,

Like it never was,

Like the unseen farmlands

Outside the train

And the grinding noise of wheels

Turning on railroad track,

On screeching turn-outs, on joints

Rattling window shutters,

All silenced

By the distant promises

Emanating from the childhood and youth

And the long period apart, alone,

We had made to ourselves

And every blink of our eyes

Said it all

And all unanswered uncertainty

Sent to oblivion

As we, as one,

In silent commitment 

Were on our way

To finally live together

Under the same roof

With each other

For ever.

.... Ramakant Pande

It Is Love

When the black clouds

In the overcast sky
In distressed mind
Causing despair
Causing gloom of unending
Murky shades of hopeless
Dark and dull
Begetting
Rumbling and crashing
Blazes of electricity
From a thousand booming thunders
Instill fear
In the terrified hysterical darkness,

It is that thin ray
Emanating from your heart
The tender and warm assurance
Assuaging the panic
Clearing the fog
Comforting and encouraging
To fight it out and live
That breaks the ice,

It is love.

..... Ramakant Pande

Forget You May

You are leaving, you want

To stop seeing me

Stop talking at all

And
You will one day
Forget those long walks
Through the valleys
And mountains,
Where we had
Promised to flower
A future of us,
For us,
For you have the liberty,
The right and
I will not be surprised
That you will
Forget me.

With me though
It is not the same
For
I have loved you.

........Ramakant Pande